Archive for April, 2008

I just have to say that I am very annoyed with a certain persons website right now and I hate that I even find myself reading it the odd time.  It genuinely annoys me to read.  This person is so incredibly utterly blind.  There was a point where I wanted to be her friend, but I’m not so sure anymore.  Well, not that I’m not sure, I just know it will never happen.This is how you come off to people:  know-it-all, better than thou, upper crust.I know/hope, you are not like that.  But you need to stop pretending.What you need to know is that you really do have to love yourself, I’m not sure you entirely actually do.  You also need to know that he will never love you in the way that you imagine.  He is not even remotely physically attracted to you.  That being said, you deserve someone better than him. 

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Before Dave took off with the band on this tour he gave me some CD’s to listen to.  12 to be exact, and we only made it into the C’s of his alphabetized collection (ending with George Clinton).

I went for my run today, decided to play some Buckcherry to pump me up towards the end of my run and as I ran back into my driveway the song Carousel came on.  I am in love with it, I really really like it…  So here it is for your listening pleasure along with the lyrics. 

There are days that take to long
It’s those days i wish i had you right here in my arms
I’m getting lonely
I’m sick of waiting here for you
I’m getting lonely
Please come home ’cause i want to be with you
Or maybe i’m a fool

Baby, you still drive me crazy
Nothing’s going to change me
So you don’t have to cry

Maybe i should take the blame
I guess the music man is no shelter from the rain
I’m getting lonely
I’m sick of waiting here for you
I’m getting lonely
Please come home ’cause i want to be with you
Or maybe i’m a fool

Baby, you still drive me crazy
Nothing’s going to change me
So you don’t have to cry

Oh yeah i said Baby
You know that you save me
Your love’s so amazing
You’re never off my mind
Alright come on now yeah!

Nothing’s going on
I’ve been gone for way to long
I’ll be right back in your arms
Don’t be afraid.

I’m getting closer
I’m making my way back home to you
I’m getting closer
I can see your face and the light keeps shinning through
Hey baby what am i to do.

Baby, you still drive me crazy
Nothing’s going to change me
So you don’t have to cry

I said Baby
You know that you save me
Your love’s so amazing
You’re never off my mind

Nothing’s going on
I’ve been gone for way to long
I’ll be right back in your arms
Don’t be afraid.

Simply delicious! 

 

2 cups spring medley salad
to taste salt and pepper
4 ounces tuna fillet
1 strip turkey bacon cooked and crumbled
1/2 cup tomato seeded and chopped
2 asparagus coarsely chopped
1 egg white hard boiled, coarsely chopped

In a large Salad bowl, arrange spring medley salad, asparagus, tomatoes, egg & bacon.

Season tuna fillet with salt and pepper.

Heat a nonstick skillet with nonfat vegetable oil spray on medium high heat. Place tuna in skillet and sear 2-3 minutes on each side. Remove tuna from pan and place on salad.

Drizzle with 1-2 tablespoons of red wine vinegar.

I really need to get my act in gear.  I’ve been milling around for too long doing nothing to chase any dreams I may have or anything really to better myself.  My Opa (German for Grandpa) died on April 10, 2007.  His funeral was yesterday on the 17^th.  Being that my childhood memories of Opa don’t really include me remembering his personality, but more so his smile, I can’t say that I really knew my Opa all too well (he’s suffered from several strokes, never been the same since he had a blood clot on his brain removed, etc).  But being at his funeral opened my eyes to the characteristics of my Opa and how he was remembered, his characteristics and mannerisms.  It occurred to me that my own father is just like his dad – a thought that had never occurred to me.  I always thought that my dad was just the way he is.  Stubborn, hard working, expects a lot from his children yet at the same time does everything he can to help them along the way.  Much like my Opa did.  Someone during the sharing time said that my Opa was a respected man, one whom could just walk in a room and his presence alone demanded respect.  I see my father as the same way.  I saw my dad cry for the first time in my entire life of 25 years yesterday.  He was giving the eulogy and began to cry, trying to hold it back, while reading a verse my Opa had picked for when my Opa and my Oma were baptized together.

 

Knowing that my Opa is now in Heaven and can look down and see everything makes me want to be a better person.  I no longer want to drink in excess, associate with people and places that are questionable…  I know it’s cliché, but life really is too short.

 

In the New Year I mentioned that I was going to take some photography classes (all of which were cancelled due to low enrollment).  Dave had asked me what my passion was, any hobbies I had, and I immediately came to ‘photography’.  Ever since the classes got cancelled and I felt rejected/burned by a photographer I was supposed to assist a shoot with I haven’t picked up my camera too much.  I brought it to NY but I didn’t even use it for anything.  Dave’s passion is music.  Through his hard dedication he’s achieved his dream and gets paid to make and play music.  He put it in a way that really opened my eyes and made me realize I have some hard work ahead of me.  He said that when explaining to his parents about his music, he explained it like this:

 

These are my college years.  These are the years where I have to work really hard, play in the dungy clubs, not get paid and go through the hard times. 

 

He looked at the “struggle” of making it much like a college student, and I think that is utterly cool.  It’s the stage where you have to practice, you have to have that drive, study for those tests, deal with being broke, not making anything from your efforts…  I believe if you take something on with that mindset, you will achieve your goal.  Now I just need to build up the courage to get back to “school”.

This week has gone fast, but man I could not welcome Friday any sooner.  Very interesting week here in Vancouver…  From being accused of being a police officer, to hanging out with an actual pimp, seeing people I met 8 years ago to running into old friends randomly again the next night (and I mean someone who moved to LA who was business partners with my old best friend from 6 years ago).

I do not miss downtown – that much can be said.  The past two nights is proof that you can go away for awhile (IE not hit the Granville strip or simply go to nightspots) and when you do go back it’s always still going to be the same people.  The people who essentially were raised and grew on that strip, who’ve made a “name” for themselves…

This weekend I’m going to do nothing but relax, except for at 10:30am on Saturday when I go to see my trainer and get my ass kicked in a way that feels oh-so good!  Oh, and for those of you that know me you know how small the world is to me.  Turns out this “pimp” I was with on Wednesday also coaches football in Abbotsford and my trainer is their defensive coach assistant or something.  Can’t wait to trip Sheldon out with this story. 

It’s funny how sometimes you realize how lonely of a soul you actually are.  It’s Saturday night and I’ve given up on the television, much like I’ve given up on a lot of other things in my life.  I have come to realize that I’ve basically been relying on the output of others to maintain any relations that I’ve had.  And I also now realize that others, like me, get tired of putting out the effort.  There was a time where I felt I put the effort out in life for “friends” and for other people who seemed to be more in my life.  Then I thought, I’m done, me first from now on.  Living in a “me first” world isn’t all it’s cracked out to be.  I need to start putting the effort back into things – but to be honest with you, I’m scared of what the outcome of that may be.  I’m scared that I may put out too much effort and scare people away.  I may put out too much effort and actually amount to more in life.  What am I afraid of?  What is so scary about life?  Everyone lives it, and to be honest mine has been completely blessed, so who am I to be afraid?  I have no home to lose, no friends to lose (I can count my true friends on one hand), why am I scared…

It’s also funny how the people you keep around “just for fun” can be so greatly missed when no longer in your life.  And no Alex, this isn’t pertaining to you.  I’ve censored my blog for so long now, I am tired of it and no longer will.  There was someone in my life with which I knew our relationship would lead nowhere.  I knew it from the beginning, but time spent with this person made me feel… made me feel like I had a place, like I was special, like I was lucky…  Now that I’m back from NY this person has slipped out of my life, and I have put in the effort – this person has driven me mad, and I’ve deleted them from my mobile.  I feel at peace, yet I feel sad…  I know that he will call me sometime next week, maybe…

 

 

This day and age is hard.  We have computers with Internet, we have cell phones with text messaging, email, pinning, different messenger programs, we have faxes and we have overnight delivery.  In a world where everything gets out so fast, the only thing we as people can’t rush is relationships – and it’s almost like who has time for those these days anyways?  It’s a sad thought.  It’s like when you finally meet someone who gives you that extra heartbeat you have to surround yourself in their image to remind yourself that they do exist.  I blame digital cameras.  Before digital cameras we had film, you’d take pictures and then you’d get them developed.  You had a hard copy of that memory right in front of you – now it gets loaded onto your computer and is lost in your hard-drive, rarely to be seen except for those times you find yourself randomly going through them.

We need to print more pictures.