Archive for October 10th, 2008

I miss my friend. I miss him all the time. I miss being on his couch near that big window that lets in the light but also the heat. I one time just sat there all afternoon and finished Catcher In The Rye in one sitting, while he on the other end created something out of nothing. My friend creates music. What I would give to sit on that couch again.

I want to cry. I don’t know what happened that made things entirely different. Okay, that’s a lie; I know what happened. I found someone who loved me. My heart is so sad because I feel like I’ve lost someone so incredibly special.

Do you ever do something that you know will bring you down? I listen to his music to take me back, knowing that it’ll pain my heart and cause a giant lump to form in my throat. Sometimes it brings me down, but not every time. Sometimes it makes me smile and I can’t help but appreciate how amazing this person is. I believe there are very few people in the world that will actually ever understand him. Very few people who could “handle” him; I wish I could find him love. He deserves it. But it’s hard to find someone like me – who would suit him so well. There are others who love him. But they just wouldn’t work.

My friend is amazing. He is so incredibly smart. I love his wit. This person is so amazing. At the same time I think he is blinded to some of his greatest attributes. I don’t think he realizes how deserving of happiness he is. My friend is mentally ill, but I find that to be part of his charm.

I miss you. I miss what we had. And I’m wondering if it’s too late to get any of that back?