I really need to get my act in gear.  I’ve been milling around for too long doing nothing to chase any dreams I may have or anything really to better myself.  My Opa (German for Grandpa) died on April 10, 2007.  His funeral was yesterday on the 17^th.  Being that my childhood memories of Opa don’t really include me remembering his personality, but more so his smile, I can’t say that I really knew my Opa all too well (he’s suffered from several strokes, never been the same since he had a blood clot on his brain removed, etc).  But being at his funeral opened my eyes to the characteristics of my Opa and how he was remembered, his characteristics and mannerisms.  It occurred to me that my own father is just like his dad – a thought that had never occurred to me.  I always thought that my dad was just the way he is.  Stubborn, hard working, expects a lot from his children yet at the same time does everything he can to help them along the way.  Much like my Opa did.  Someone during the sharing time said that my Opa was a respected man, one whom could just walk in a room and his presence alone demanded respect.  I see my father as the same way.  I saw my dad cry for the first time in my entire life of 25 years yesterday.  He was giving the eulogy and began to cry, trying to hold it back, while reading a verse my Opa had picked for when my Opa and my Oma were baptized together.

Knowing that my Opa is now in Heaven and can look down and see everything makes me want to be a better person.  I no longer want to drink in excess, associate with people and places that are questionable…  I know it’s cliché, but life really is too short.

In the New Year I mentioned that I was going to take some photography classes (all of which were cancelled due to low enrollment).  Dave had asked me what my passion was, any hobbies I had, and I immediately came to ‘photography’.  Ever since the classes got cancelled and I felt rejected/burned by a photographer I was supposed to assist a shoot with I haven’t picked up my camera too much.  I brought it to NY but I didn’t even use it for anything.  Dave’s passion is music.  Through his hard dedication he’s achieved his dream and gets paid to make and play music.  He put it in a way that really opened my eyes and made me realize I have some hard work ahead of me.  He said that when explaining to his parents about his music, he explained it like this:

These are my college years.  These are the years where I have to work really hard, play in the dungy clubs, not get paid and go through the hard times. 

He looked at the “struggle” of making it much like a college student, and I think that is utterly cool.  It’s the stage where you have to practice, you have to have that drive, study for those tests, deal with being broke, not making anything from your efforts…  I believe if you take something on with that mindset, you will achieve your goal.  Now I just need to build up the courage to get back to “school”.