reflections

How immature are we? When people say the word “drama” I think it’d be safe to say that we all get the same notion of what it is in our minds. We think of the country song where the guys girl took off with his best friends brothers dogs original owner. We think of all the he said she said. There’s usually some sort of relationship issue at hand.There has been slight drama that I was pulled into these past couple days. What had originally started as an innocent concern got blown far out of proportion. This is what happens when people get involved when there is no need to get involved.

So I went to YouTube to find a song by Mary J. Blige called . It had been awhile since I heard the song, let alone seen the video. This song is a reminder that there are far greater issues out there other than the meek drama we allow into our lives.

So to everyone over the Christmas Holidays - let’s just let things go and leave the dust lay where it may.

  

Last night I learned how to line shelves and drawers with liner.  I also learnt that you can scrap paint off a window with a putty knife without it scratching the glass.  Which made me wonder how the previous home owners of our new place lived with white paint splatters on the windows?  The new place is going to be AMAZING and I love the little neighborhood it’s in.

That being said, it is not yet my place - but one day will be. We picked out all the colors and floors together, it’s going to look great. Laminate wood flooring, grey walls with black outlets and trim, guitars hung on the walls, green bedroom, light blue kids room, slate grey/blue main bathroom and burnt orange accent walls. Why do I feel like the ‘Tim the Toolman Tailor’ in comparison to Carrie Bradshaw describing an Oscar de la Renta dress?

I’ve said it before - but I’ll say it again. I’m going to try and write more on here.

• Incase anyone was wondering what happened with my two week program - I lasted a week.  On Day 8 I got the worst cramps of my life.  I’m talking couldn’t even stand, hurt to walk, fetal position didn’t even help.  I felt like I needed fiber, so I cheated on my meal plan.  I proceeded to get more and more sick and I just couldn’t keep up the plan.  I did however lose 6 lbs and a bunch of inches, so I’m happy.  I’m going to try and stick with exercising regularily.
• I’m in Calgary again.
• I’m almost done all my Christmas shopping!  I just need to get stuff for my nieces and nephew.
• Someone stole some of my pictures and used them on mate1.com.  My friend ended up finding them on some profile that claims to work for RCA down in West Hollywood.  They stole lines from my old deleted MySpace account and had a recently tagged photo of me from facebook - which means they know me which is even more sick.
• More to come.

Well it was last week Friday that my laptop and ipod were stolen. My bosses daughter had a house party and I was with her 8 year old brother at the theatre watching Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa and her dad was supposed to be checking in on the party every now and then. In one and a half hours of no adults being there, 2 laptops, 3 ipods, a camera and a cell phone were stolen, along with $600 cash. By Sunday there was no laptop found so out with the old and in with the new (thank goodness I backup on a regular basis!).

…old……new…
I got to come back from Calgary early, which was nice. So on Thursday morning Dave picked me up from the Abbotsford airport and I was home! I finally got to meet his sister, which was nice. I’ve met practically every member of his ex-wife’s family before I even met his own sister! 

Saturday we had dinner and beer at Waterstone Taphouse & Grille. The word ‘taphouse’ shouldn’t be in the restaurant name as they don’t have anything spectacular on tap nor do they even brew their own beer. Right next to Waterstone is the Langley Chop Shop. Daniel had flagged Dave down outside and got to talking. He gave Dave from free swag as I used their good lighting and mirrors to do my makeup in preparation for the Mustache and Cleavage party we were on our way to at an empty greenhouse out in Bradner.

The party was pretty fun. It had three kegs and all proceeds towards beer went to a charity helping a school in Sierra Leone. They had a band that did decent covers as well as Beer Pong. We didn’t stay too later, but I can only imagine how much crazier that party got later into the night.

Sunday Dave and I went over to his ex-wife’s house to celebrate Jett’s birthday. I hoped it wouldn’t be too weird for anyone and I’m happy to report that it was not. I don’t really know how it felt for Cathleen, Dave and Ryan but everyone got along just great. I think it helped that I had already known her entire family (they were all there). Jett had a great time and I think it was really good for Jett and Zari to see everyone under the same roof. A really funny party at the party was when Jett came running over to me in his mermaid costume over his suit saying, “Now I’m pretty like you!” “You sure are handsome Jett!” “No I’m pretty!” and goes running off again. Dave always mentioned how Cathleen was a great cook, and she sure is! Her pulled pork was awesome!
After the party we were going to come home and have a movie and nacho night with Rhonda but we didn’t manage to get a hold of her so we met up with one of Dave’s old friends from high school at Hells Kitchen in Kits. I was so full from everything at the party that I managed to only have 1 pint of Guinness. Now it’s Monday and the start of my 2 week hardcore program (The Ultimate New York Body Plan). I woke up early, did 45 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes of Pilates. I’m going to do more Pilates at lunch and go for a walk with Dave after work. After the two weeks I will be making a post about my success, including my hideous before picture which is, I’m sure, going to be my daily motivator to stick to the program and drop significant inches.

I don’t get how we can go from friends to not friends. I don’t get how you can’t see some things that I clearly can but still wouldn’t see them if I told you. Maybe you’re not ready to accept it. I feel like some truth has been left out. I want our friendship back. You haunt me everywhere and it’s really hard because I feel as though I’ve been cut out. I shouldn’t feel like I have to come up with excuses to talk to you.

This is so frustrating.

Are we even friends anymore or have you just rubbed me out completely? Just tell me.

Last week Friday Ashley, Dave and I packed up and hit the road to Seattle to see my good friend Steve Byrne preform at Giggles in the U-District of Seattle. Steve did a great job at managing the crowd and his set had us all cracking up a lot. Afterwards we all went out to a couple of places and had way too many shots amongst other things. One thing that I learnt that does not mix is ostrich feather dusters and drunk girls.

The next day we drove home (after stopping at one of my favorite malls first, Alderwood Mall).

Sunday, I can’t even remember what we did.

Monday we went into Vancouver and took the kids on the Halloween Train in Stanley Park. This is where Jett got the idea in his head that he wanted to be a mermaid for Halloween - and so he was.

Wednesday after work we drove into Vancouver to The Farm so Dave could re-record some bass he did for Soul Side In on their song Seventeen. He had added his own twist to it, making the song sound so much more amazing, but unfortunately the band and management has ‘demonitis’ and Dave had to basically dumb down the bass and record it again in its original format.

Thursday morning bright and early we went and picked up Dallas and headed for the airport - we were Winnipeg bound! Default had an arena show with The Waking Eyes, Mobile, The Watchmen and Papa Roach. It was a really fun show. It was just retarded that our “all access” passes didn’t mean jack during Papa Roach’s performance.

Friday I worked from downtown and then after we hit Falconetti’s on Commercial where I won a free beer for picking a random Canucks player (if he scored, I got a free drink). Thank you Bernier! After that we got ready at Mike and Josie’s then headed over to Dave & Carmelina’s place for a little party. After some major laughs there we headed over to The Penthouse to watch Kill Rhythm play.

Saturday morning we packed up and headed back to Abbotsford in order to make load in time for the trip up to Penticton. Dallas, Jeremy, Dave and I drove up in a sweet cheap rental car (Danny & Jay took a one ton up with the equipment). Default had a show with Soul Side In opening for them at The Barking Parrot at the Lakeshore Resort & Casino in Penticton.

Sunday we drove back down to Abbotsford and after Dave and I stopped at his place to change his shirt we went over to my place for a big family gathering with awesome food to celebrate my mom’s 59th birthday (in my eyes she hasn’t aged since she turned 45).

After dinner I flew out of the Abbotsford airport to Calgary where I now find myself completely sleepless. My alarm is set to go off in just over 4 hours in hopes that I will actually go and swim some laps or work out before starting my day of work here.

Happy Monday readers!

C

I miss my friend. I miss him all the time. I miss being on his couch near that big window that lets in the light but also the heat. I one time just sat there all afternoon and finished Catcher In The Rye in one sitting, while he on the other end created something out of nothing. My friend creates music. What I would give to sit on that couch again.

I want to cry. I don’t know what happened that made things entirely different. Okay, that’s a lie; I know what happened. I found someone who loved me. My heart is so sad because I feel like I’ve lost someone so incredibly special.

Do you ever do something that you know will bring you down? I listen to his music to take me back, knowing that it’ll pain my heart and cause a giant lump to form in my throat. Sometimes it brings me down, but not every time. Sometimes it makes me smile and I can’t help but appreciate how amazing this person is. I believe there are very few people in the world that will actually ever understand him. Very few people who could “handle” him; I wish I could find him love. He deserves it. But it’s hard to find someone like me – who would suit him so well. There are others who love him. But they just wouldn’t work.

My friend is amazing. He is so incredibly smart. I love his wit. This person is so amazing. At the same time I think he is blinded to some of his greatest attributes. I don’t think he realizes how deserving of happiness he is. My friend is mentally ill, but I find that to be part of his charm.

I miss you. I miss what we had. And I’m wondering if it’s too late to get any of that back?

To make a long story short I flew out of Vancouver today (instead of Abbotsford) into Calgary for yet another week-long stay.  Sometimes it feels like I’ve never left this city.  The lame thing about early domestic flights on an airline you don’t have status miles with (so no ceasars pre-boarding) is the watered down coffee you’re subjected to at the news stand.  I purchased 3 magazines (I love fall advertising) and awaited boarding.  Finally once boarding was called and after standing in line for a little bit I recognize a face I hadn’t seen in awhile.  I’m pretty sure it was Mark but his head was bic’d to a shiny Mr. Clean shine.  I get on board, certain it was him, and with my speediness on my Blackberry I facebook wall messaged him saying, “I think I just saw you in YVR, if so have a nice flight!”  Turns out he was on my plane with a seat two rows ahead of me but ended up sitting in my row instead. 

Now here comes the title of my post.  I hadn’t seen Mark in a LONG time.  I used to see him out at these JetSet parties and other places around town.  The first time I met him was 5-6 years ago.  We talked about everything under the sun on the plane ride to Calgary.  Once in Calgary he offered to drive me to wherever I needed to go.  So I accepted.  In the car ride we kept talking and that was when he said, “I forgot how funny you are!”  I was also described as “calming” which I also get often.  Even though I have a boyfriend who continuously tells me how wonderful I am, it’s nice to know that others see the good traits in me also.  Kind of like your mom telling you you’re beautiful (even though my mother never told me that and when I finally asked her some years ago why she never said so she said it was because she didn’t want it going to my head) - it doesn’t count.

So, thank you Mr. McAlduff for the laughs and word-games.  I hope you get to enjoy the waterslides at the Sheraton Cavalier. 

Clouds of thoughts fly through the skies of my mind. It is not raining, nor is there snow, but the sunny skies are seeing partial clouds and I find myself looking at these clouds wondering what they bring. I could look at them as a dark shadow looming over my sunlight, or are they simply just passing clouds reminding me of different days. Days not filled with sunshine…My skies have no mountains to trap their air, their clouds, or their smog. My skies rely on a breeze to make the weather pass. Sometimes the breeze is strong and the clouds are just a mere passing change in the sky, sometimes not even noticed as they pass at night while I sleep. But sometimes there is no breeze and the clouds linger, and I am awake and not in my sleep, seeing light clouds covering a somewhat starlit sky, oddly enough leaving enough space for the bright moon to shine.It isn’t the changing of the seasons just yet, I sometimes wonder if the changing of the seasons will ever come – when it does, how will I be? Will I be ready, or will I be drawn to the clouds and pulled away with the breeze like a balloon let go by a mindless child.

I want to be angry right now.  I think I just figured it out…

The past hour or so I’ve been sitting in this hotel room alone, slowly fuming for reasons unknown.  I want to get mad at Dave for taking so long for getting the kids.  But really he left at 10:15-ish and it takes 1 hour to get there, and one hour back.  So if he went picked them up and came back then by 12:15 he should be back.  But they are at their grandparents so maybe there’ll be a little visiting.  Which means he gets there around 11:15-ish then gone by 11:45-ish.  I got a pin from him at 12:04 saying they were just leaving Penticton.

I want to get angry and I want argue with someone.  I want to make somebody feel bad so in turn they will make me feel good.  How retarded is that.  That’s what I “figured out” before I started with what I thought was going to be this big rant.Anger is so retarded.  At least this kind is.  Now the question is why do I want someone to make me feel good, why am I not at 100%?

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