Even as I type the title, “A New Beginning” I realize that there is no real new beginning as I know I am and still am going to be the same. It’s funny how as soon as I rejoined the world of facebook I’ve written less and less on my blog. I’m going to start writing more. Now I can write and say almost whatever I want to, no fear.
This weekend Dave and I are taking the kids on a little adventure. Thursday morning bright and early (5am with a man who doesn’t drink coffee) we are heading for Kelowna so that I can still start work - even though a little late - at 9am. Dave’s tour manager, Russ, got us an early check-in so that will be nice. Default plays at Flashbacks Thursday night. It’s going to be the first time I’ve ever seen Dave play (I’ve seen him play with his other band, The David Anthony Project, but never with his first band, Default). I’m excited and nervous and curious to how it’s going to be. Dave is one of the few people on this planet that I trust 300%, unfortunately it’s not so easy to trust females, especially fans. I hope that this show doesn’t turn me into some type of scary freak who has mild heart attacks every time her man goes on tour. Especially with them now being picked up by The Orchard and the new album which is going to mean more touring… All I can do is see what happens, and then I can blog about it! 
I miss my friend Matt. I miss him very much. I’m not sure anyone will ever be able to see/understand the friendship I treasure with him… Just thought I’d throw that out there.
My heart aches. On the one side it loves and is loved so immensely. But when that sun has set and the moon rises I am drawn down into the sadness that is the dark. The moon is the only light that makes anything bright enough to see, but even at that it is dark. Yet there are many sonnets written over the moon. The moon inspires so much, but how could I live in the dark forever – is it even a possibility? The moon needs the sun to have its light, but I will never be the sun to the moon, this much I know. The moon will never need me like it does the sun, instead I could merely dance for the moon, and praise it and sing songs to it, the moon would and could never touch me like the warmth of the sun.
In the sun everything is bright. Its warmth reaches down to me and makes me happy. I feel loved in the sun’s warmth, I feel alive, but at the same time the sun sometimes traps me, there is no where to run from the sun, except for perhaps the shade of a tree, but shadows move and sun replaces shade. I love the sun, but could I live in it forever? I know deep down that I could but I get saddened at the thought of never seeing the moon in the same light as I once have.
I don’t want to lose the moon, but there is no way a moon could live in a sun-inhabited sky. Nor could the sun ever touch the strength of the moon’s night.
I find myself at times torn between two skies.
Last night I had the pleasure of checking out the Kims of Comedy at Washington University. Oh my goodness, SO funny! Dr. Ken was HILARIOUS, Kevin Shea was disgustingly funny and Steve Byrne was okay. Okay, he was more than okay he was fine. Maybe if there was a word that was just a bit more than fine than I’d use that, but there isn’t.
Actually they were all great. I had the pleasure of meeting Steve back in NYC at Jakes so it was cool to see him again down in Seattle. He’s pretty much a gentleman and it was fun just being friendly with him and not having to swat him off me like all the other bees that come to the honey (the honey being me).
I don’t know what’s up with me this morning. Maybe it’s the extra burnt shot of espresso in my Starbucks caramel macchiato, or maybe I’m still buzzing from last night.
OH, and for those of you who read my blog, you know that I have this weird knack of running into people I know everywhere I go. So here’s a story from last night.
We’re all hanging in the back of Earls having some drinks and eating french fries when I look over Steve’s shoulder and there’s my ex, Jordan St. John, standing by a nearby bar looking at me with a giant smile on his face. I look at him with a puzzling stare and he waves me over. I excuse myself and walk up to him.
“What are you doing down here?” he asks.
“I was at a comedy show over at the university…” I answered back.
“That you knew man over there?” he asks while nodding his head over towards Steve.
“No, that’s my friend who was in the comedy show.” I said.
“Justin told me you were here.”
“Justin? Who’s Justin again? I didn’t see anyone I recognized?” I said to him.
“He’s working the door here.”
“OH! Justin from the Emigrant, I didn’t even recognize him, he grew his hair!”
“Yea, it’s sort of feathered now too. I was about to go to bed when I saw him calling, I wasn’t going to answer but I did and he told me I should come down to Earls. I told him I was in bed but then he said, ‘Cynthia’s here, some guy is nibbling on her ear’.”
I interrupted him, “Whaaa??? OH, I get it; no one was nibbling on my ear! It was a joke we were doing, since it’s so loud in here I kept putting my ear towards Steve and he would in turn talk really close into it as a joke.”
“OH okay.” He says and then continues, “I tried calling you but it said the user was unavailable.”
In a quick panic I check my phone to make sure it was working, the last thing I need is for my boss to not be able to get a hold of me.
“Oh, missed call” I said, and checked the caller ID. I look at it and laugh and show Jordan my phone, “I still have you saved as ‘Don’t Answer’.”
“You need to change that.” He says, then goes on to ask how my family is. I tell him my family is great. Then he goes on to say how he’s back working at the Emigrant and how he’s finishing school and going for a double major and might apply to law school in California yadda yadda yadda.
“I should get back to my friends.” I said and just then I hear Kevin Shea say, “Hey we’re blowing this joint, you coming with us?”
“Yep!” I say and chug the last of my beer. “See ya” I say to Jordan and take off with them. We then all went to some place called Flowers where Cynthia, some other girl I can’t remember her name and I all had raspberry lemon drops – SOO GOOD!!!
And that was my night.
I just have to say that I am very annoyed with a certain persons website right now and I hate that I even find myself reading it the odd time. It genuinely annoys me to read. This person is so incredibly utterly blind. There was a point where I wanted to be her friend, but I’m not so sure anymore. Well, not that I’m not sure, I just know it will never happen.This is how you come off to people: know-it-all, better than thou, upper crust.I know/hope, you are not like that. But you need to stop pretending.What you need to know is that you really do have to love yourself, I’m not sure you entirely actually do. You also need to know that he will never love you in the way that you imagine. He is not even remotely physically attracted to you. That being said, you deserve someone better than him.
Before Dave took off with the band on this tour he gave me some CD’s to listen to. 12 to be exact, and we only made it into the C’s of his alphabetized collection (ending with George Clinton).
I went for my run today, decided to play some Buckcherry to pump me up towards the end of my run and as I ran back into my driveway the song Carousel came on. I am in love with it, I really really like it… So here it is for your listening pleasure along with the lyrics.
There are days that take to long
It’s those days i wish i had you right here in my arms
I’m getting lonely
I’m sick of waiting here for you
I’m getting lonely
Please come home ’cause i want to be with you
Or maybe i’m a fool
Baby, you still drive me crazy
Nothing’s going to change me
So you don’t have to cry
Maybe i should take the blame
I guess the music man is no shelter from the rain
I’m getting lonely
I’m sick of waiting here for you
I’m getting lonely
Please come home ’cause i want to be with you
Or maybe i’m a fool
Baby, you still drive me crazy
Nothing’s going to change me
So you don’t have to cry
Oh yeah i said Baby
You know that you save me
Your love’s so amazing
You’re never off my mind
Alright come on now yeah!
Nothing’s going on
I’ve been gone for way to long
I’ll be right back in your arms
Don’t be afraid.
I’m getting closer
I’m making my way back home to you
I’m getting closer
I can see your face and the light keeps shinning through
Hey baby what am i to do.
Baby, you still drive me crazy
Nothing’s going to change me
So you don’t have to cry
I said Baby
You know that you save me
Your love’s so amazing
You’re never off my mind
Nothing’s going on
I’ve been gone for way to long
I’ll be right back in your arms
Don’t be afraid.
Simply delicious!
2 cups spring medley salad
to taste salt and pepper
4 ounces tuna fillet
1 strip turkey bacon cooked and crumbled
1/2 cup tomato seeded and chopped
2 asparagus coarsely chopped
1 egg white hard boiled, coarsely chopped
In a large Salad bowl, arrange spring medley salad, asparagus, tomatoes, egg & bacon.
Season tuna fillet with salt and pepper.
Heat a nonstick skillet with nonfat vegetable oil spray on medium high heat. Place tuna in skillet and sear 2-3 minutes on each side. Remove tuna from pan and place on salad.
Drizzle with 1-2 tablespoons of red wine vinegar.
I really need to get my act in gear. I’ve been milling around for too long doing nothing to chase any dreams I may have or anything really to better myself. My Opa (German for Grandpa) died on April 10, 2007. His funeral was yesterday on the 17th. Being that my childhood memories of Opa don’t really include me remembering his personality, but more so his smile, I can’t say that I really knew my Opa all too well (he’s suffered from several strokes, never been the same since he had a blood clot on his brain removed, etc). But being at his funeral opened my eyes to the characteristics of my Opa and how he was remembered, his characteristics and mannerisms. It occurred to me that my own father is just like his dad – a thought that had never occurred to me. I always thought that my dad was just the way he is. Stubborn, hard working, expects a lot from his children yet at the same time does everything he can to help them along the way. Much like my Opa did. Someone during the sharing time said that my Opa was a respected man, one whom could just walk in a room and his presence alone demanded respect. I see my father as the same way. I saw my dad cry for the first time in my entire life of 25 years yesterday. He was giving the eulogy and began to cry, trying to hold it back, while reading a verse my Opa had picked for when my Opa and my Oma were baptized together.
Knowing that my Opa is now in Heaven and can look down and see everything makes me want to be a better person. I no longer want to drink in excess, associate with people and places that are questionable… I know it’s cliché, but life really is too short.
In the New Year I mentioned that I was going to take some photography classes (all of which were cancelled due to low enrollment). Dave had asked me what my passion was, any hobbies I had, and I immediately came to ‘photography’. Ever since the classes got cancelled and I felt rejected/burned by a photographer I was supposed to assist a shoot with I haven’t picked up my camera too much. I brought it to NY but I didn’t even use it for anything. Dave’s passion is music. Through his hard dedication he’s achieved his dream and gets paid to make and play music. He put it in a way that really opened my eyes and made me realize I have some hard work ahead of me. He said that when explaining to his parents about his music, he explained it like this:
These are my college years. These are the years where I have to work really hard, play in the dungy clubs, not get paid and go through the hard times.
He looked at the “struggle” of making it much like a college student, and I think that is utterly cool. It’s the stage where you have to practice, you have to have that drive, study for those tests, deal with being broke, not making anything from your efforts… I believe if you take something on with that mindset, you will achieve your goal. Now I just need to build up the courage to get back to “school”.
This week has gone fast, but man I could not welcome Friday any sooner. Very interesting week here in Vancouver… From being accused of being a police officer, to hanging out with an actual pimp, seeing people I met 8 years ago to running into old friends randomly again the next night (and I mean someone who moved to LA who was business partners with my old best friend from 6 years ago).
I do not miss downtown – that much can be said. The past two nights is proof that you can go away for awhile (IE not hit the Granville strip or simply go to nightspots) and when you do go back it’s always still going to be the same people. The people who essentially were raised and grew on that strip, who’ve made a “name” for themselves…
This weekend I’m going to do nothing but relax, except for at 10:30am on Saturday when I go to see my trainer and get my ass kicked in a way that feels oh-so good! Oh, and for those of you that know me you know how small the world is to me. Turns out this “pimp” I was with on Wednesday also coaches football in Abbotsford and my trainer is their defensive coach assistant or something. Can’t wait to trip Sheldon out with this story.
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