Posts Tagged ‘love’

My heart aches.  On the one side it loves and is loved so immensely.  But when that sun has set and the moon rises I am drawn down into the sadness that is the dark.  The moon is the only light that makes anything bright enough to see, but even at that it is dark.  Yet there are many sonnets written over the moon.  The moon inspires so much, but how could I live in the dark forever – is it even a possibility?  The moon needs the sun to have its light, but I will never be the sun to the moon, this much I know.  The moon will never need me like it does the sun, instead I could merely dance for the moon, and praise it and sing songs to it, the moon would and could never touch me like the warmth of the sun. 

In the sun everything is bright.  Its warmth reaches down to me and makes me happy.  I feel loved in the sun’s warmth, I feel alive, but at the same time the sun sometimes traps me, there is no where to run from the sun, except for perhaps the shade of a tree, but shadows move and sun replaces shade.  I love the sun, but could I live in it forever?  I know deep down that I could but I get saddened at the thought of never seeing the moon in the same light as I once have.

I don’t want to lose the moon, but there is no way a moon could live in a sun-inhabited sky.  Nor could the sun ever touch the strength of the moon’s night.

I find myself at times torn between two skies.

For people who aren’t naturally blessed with the “skinny” gene why is it so important for some to be slim?

Boys will like me more if I’m skinny, I’ll be better accepted if I’m skinny, I’ll fit in more if I’m skinny, I will belong if I’m skinny… 

Some reasons girls think of… 

But if you want to be skinny for boys, what kind of boys are you going to find?  Boys who are into the physical fakeness of the human being?  Boys who will have you in a constant fear that they will go for the next “hot skinny thing *cough* blonde *cough*”

I’ll be better accepted if I’m skinny.  I’ll fit in more if I’m skinny.  I will belong if I’m skinny.  Better accepted by whom?  Fit in with who?  Belong with who?  People who are so superficial that you need to be a size 2 to be “in” with them?  Are these really people you want to be trying to please?

So after asking these questions (which were inspired by reading some words in a sketch that say, “being skinny and partying always wins”) I wonder what the true point of my last few days of crazed healthy eating and exercising that makes my lungs feel like they are collapsed when I lay down is…  “I want to be healthy” I tell myself, “I want to fit into those jeans again” I tell myself, “I’ll find love…” ???  So what is wrong with doing exercise in moderation?  That IS what being healthy is about, no?  Why do I want to look and feel a certain way before the weekend?  For the strange dinner that’s going to take place between 4 people on Thursday?  For Mary Anne’s birthday on Saturday?  Why do I have to lose it quick (so far 5 lbs and 2.5 inches off the waist in the last couple days). 

Are these the thoughts of a girl who wants to give up and find any excuse?  Or is it the truth?